Relationships Evolve- What’s Holding You Back?
They say if you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. At the BIRTHFIT summit that took place a couple of weeks ago I was definitely in the right room. It was amazing being surrounded by extremely intelligent men and women in their respective fields and soaking up their words of wisdom. As far as pregnancy, birth and kids go, I am a rookie. The summit was an amazing opportunity to learn as much as I could to take back to my community. However, the biggest thing I did learn surprised me. I figured if I had this to learn then surely there are other women out there who are going through the exact same thing I am.
I have always wanted to have kids. I remember telling my husband when we were first dating that kids were in our future, and being shocked when he was on the fence about them. Over the years I have actually moved away from having kids rather than getting more adamant about it, and he has moved towards it. I didn’t know why I felt this way. I love kids! I think it would be awesome to create a person that was part of the love that we share. But, in recent times I would scoff about having one of my own, citing the inconvenience, trouble, and change that they would cause. This type of thinking was my fear talking. A fear that I didn’t even know existed until a couple of weeks ago.
We talked a lot about fear at the summit. Fear of pregnancy, of birth, and of becoming a parent. But, these are the things that don’t scare me. Pregnancy and birth is a time that will pass and I know that the innate intelligence of my body will do what needs to be done. Becoming a parent does not necessarily scare me, well maybe it does a little bit, but I know that I can love unconditionally. So, what was it? What was this fear that was so strong that was causing me to shy away from something I knew deep down that I wanted. Dr. Alyssa Berlin, PsyD, brought it to light. I was scared that the awesome relationship I have with my husband would change for the worse. We wouldn’t be able to be us anymore, because there would always be a +1.
What was it about this conversation that abated my fear? Kid or no kid, relationships change every day. I can’t control this change anymore than I can control the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening. Why should I let my fear of ‘what if’ dictate my life? When you think about it, this really is an irrational thought. Yes, our life together will change, but why will it be for the worse and not the better? Listening to all the amazing mama’s at the summit, it would be a safe bet to say that their lives changed for the better. With the BIRTHFIT tribe behind me, I am now sure that the same would happen to me.
Who is in your tribe? To share your irrational thoughts, expectations, questions and excitement with. To become part of your team is one of the reasons for BIRTHFIT, and to support you through this scary, exciting, nerve racking, awesome change in your life. It really is time we put aside our fear and embrace the next part of your journey.
Dr. Liz Walker, DCBIRTHFIT MISSOULA