BIRTHFIT Podcast #130 Featuring Embo on Transitioning Back Into Work
One Word to Describe Birth
Lindsey: [00:00:00] Embo, Hello. Welcome back to the BIRTHFIT podcast. We should actually tell everybody what we’re doing at the end of this too for next year. So stay on keep listening. Yeah. I wanted to have Embo back on the BIRTHFIT podcast because you’ve basically all followed your journey–her journey from preconception, through pregnancy, through birth and now it’s been at least three months postpartum?
Emily: [00:00:32] 16 weeks today.
Lindsey: [00:00:34] 16 weeks. Holy shit.
Emily: [00:00:35] I know. Yeah four months on the 26th. Cray cray.
Lindsey: [00:00:41] So the last time we chatted it was literally like less than ten days after birth.
Emily: [00:00:46] Yeah something like that.
Lindsey: [00:00:49] Which is bananas.
Emily: [00:00:50] It was like….yeah It was just over ten days, whatever it was crazy.
Lindsey: [00:00:55] It was like still new.
Emily: [00:00:57] Yeah very new.
Lindsey: [00:00:59] So you were just describing to me when somebody asked you what was birth like before. Would you still describe it in the same way?
Emily: [00:01:11] Yeah totally. So–
Lindsey: [00:01:14] But what did you say?
Emily: [00:01:15] The day after I gave birth. My sister texted me and said “How was the birth?” and all I said was “I can’t even describe the level of ‘fucked up'”. She was like “Ha ha ha oh my god”. I was like “Yeah”. And now being out there almost four months I would still describe it as that. But I have like no PTSD from it anymore. I definitely had that for probably like two weeks. I was like “Oh my god never again I can’t. No way”.
Lindsey: [00:01:50] No way another baby’s coming out.
Emily: [00:01:51] Oh my god no way. But now I’m like it was still that gnarly and I would do it again. So the intensity of my feelings on it has gotten better.
Lindsey: [00:02:06] Is the birth amnesia real?
Emily: [00:02:09] You know. No. Because I was looking at all my birth photos again I’m like this is such a great idea but also like not a good idea because it helps me remember everything. I’ve been posting a birth photo once a week.
Lindsey: [00:02:22] I know they’re amazing. What kind of responses have you gotten?
Emily: [00:02:26] Oh people are very into it.
Lindsey: [00:02:31] Really?
Emily: [00:02:31] Yeah. And I think just like what I share in each post people can resonate with. I haven’t picked my one for this week but looking at those birth photos I’m like “Oh my what I felt like in that moment”. Watching birth videos still and like squeeze my vagina. I can’t really watch birth videos yet. But yeah I definitely…I remember it all really well. But now I look back on it like “that was awesome”. It was gnarly but it was awesome.
Lindsey: [00:03:11] How’s Michael? Has he integrated back into society?
[00:03:15] Yeah and he works from home, so it’s actually really nice for me going back to work.
Lindsey: [00:03:23] Yeah. Let’s talk about that.
Emily: [00:03:25] Yeah I went back–This is my third week back at the gym and it’s been great. I had major anxiety about it and it’s slow like I’m slowly getting back. Like I’m coaching five classes a week. Every other Saturday and Michael watches him for three out of the five classes which is great. So he works from home. And I bring him to class on Thursdays, but somebody from coaches prep teaches Thursday. I just have to like evaluate her which is perfect so I have Tosh with me. And then on Tuesdays my dad comes to the gym and watches him.
Lindsey: [00:04:07] Oh yeah Grandpa.
Emily: [00:04:08] Yeah. So that’s been great and then otherwise he’s really chill with me just doing my thing at the gym outside of class. And yeah. And now that he’s on now that he’s older like he’s smiling and laughing and Michael’s like much more engaging with him not just like a little blob.
Lindsey: [00:04:26] A newborn?
Emily: [00:04:27] Yeah
Transitioning Back Into Work
Lindsey: [00:04:30] So let’s back it up to let’s say-we’re in October-like September the beginning of September and you’re really thinking “Oh shit I to go back to work in a month”.
Emily: [00:04:44] Oh yeah.
Lindsey: [00:04:45] Like were you freaking out?
Emily: [00:04:47] I was totally freaking out. I was telling my friends that I was going to start a Go Fund Me so that I could stay home.
Lindsey: [00:04:54] Go fund my life.
Emily: [00:04:56] They’re like “Well none of us are going to pay for that”. I’m like “I know I know random people might come across it on the website. I went back. So I told you I went to our staff meeting when I was six weeks postpartum because I was like “Oh I can go to a meeting. I want to know what’s going on”. And like whatever I want to be there and as soon as I got he was little I was just like “Oh this was a big mistake”. Way too soon for that like I should not have come so for any of you who go back six weeks postpartum, I don’t know how you do. Oh my lord. And I was like in September I was like “Oh my god. 12 weeks is not long enough”. I guess I took 13 weeks off. It’s crazy. But once he turned like 10 weeks every week maybe nine weeks. Every week after that I was like “Okay this is better OK this is better”. I’m more comfortable with like putting him on the floor at the gym when like walking away. He’s really chill. Okay. This is fine. It’s going to be good. But like I was still like “Wow three months is not long enough”. And it was awesome because I–well it was kind of funny because I said I’m taking three months off. I could have taken longer off if I wanted. But like financially three months was like what felt right. And I’m like “Woah that was not enough time at all”. The first six weeks was like you’re still kind of like coming back to life. Yeah yeah it’s crazy. But every week that’s gone by it has been better.
Lindsey: [00:06:33] It’s wild to think like three months is standard in our society.
Emily: [00:06:39] It should be a year. At least six months.
Lindsey: [00:06:43] Yeah six months come on well we’ll compromise.
Emily: [00:06:46] Yeah, but I feel good about it now.
Lindsey: [00:06:51] OK. How is the first day back at work?
Emily: [00:06:55] The first day was interesting. Our midwives told us like at the six week appointment. “Oh have you guys used a bottle yet. I was like “No why would I do that. I’ve been home every day”. And she’s like “Oh you should probably start doing that because he might never take a bottle”. And I was like “OK cool”. And then four weeks go by and I’m like “Oh yeah. I should probably try to give him a bottle”. So the first day Michael–the plan was I teach 9 a.m. class, I go home, feed him, come back. Which is what I did. But Michael tried a bottle anyway not having it. I was like “Oh shit”. Then we had tried before I went back to work. But basically the only hang up is feeding. Everything else is good. The first day was just kind of like “okay let’s just see how it goes” and then the second day was a little bit longer and everyday after that has been like “Okay we kind of got a routine down”. And napping: that is literally one thing I completely did not think about at all. Is how much babies have to nap.
Lindsey: [00:07:58] You’re like “Just play with me”.
Emily: [00:08:00] I was like “Yeah he’ll come to the gym I’ll be fine”. And then I’m like “Oh you sleep 18 hours a day. Why do you do that?” It works out.
Lindsey: [00:08:11] He’s not bothered by the noise or anything.
Emily: [00:08:12] No no I think it’s good that I was pregnant. Around all the noise and he sleeps with a fan on and then we’re super loud in the house and I’m like “Michael the baby’s asleep” he’s like “Well he better to get used to it”. I’m like “OK”.
Lindsey: [00:08:28] Alright we’ll turn up the music. Oh my god. How has let’s go like routines. How do you make dinner? How do you make grocery shopping? Because now you have party of three. Now you’re in like the regular life mode.
Emily: [00:08:52] I know. So Stoss just turned me into a morning person.
Lindsey: [00:08:57] Shit and Emily is not a morning person before.
Emily: [00:08:59] I am not a morning person. I was like if I could wake up at 9 o’clock everyday it would be perfect. But I actually really love it. I love my morning with him. So I wake up around between five thirty. It’s still not consistent but anywhere between and it’s generally around 6 and then we have a on like a pretty set nap routine and we’re not going to call it a schedule because it’s all over the place. But basically our life revolves around when he sleeps. I don’t know. I mean I’m sure a lot of you guys have heard of baby wise. Babywise like the strictest parenting book that was given to us. And I was like “Oh god damn it”. And Michael’s like “We got to do this is amazing our baby will sleep through the night in no time” and I’m like “Oh god”. I don’t want to be like crazy strict. Right. But it really worked really really worked and he got on a nap schedule like right away we started when he was three weeks old. And now that we’re more on the go it’s a little up in the air. But the nap routine is important. I did not realize. It’s literally them one thing I did not think about when we were talking about baby stuff like I don’t know how I missed that.
Lindsey: [00:10:21] I feel like everybody misses something.
Emily: [00:10:22] Yeah I was like “Wait what? we just go to bed at night. So when we do normal stuff like I’m pretty much spoiled rotten. Michael is the food person.
Lindsey: [00:10:36] Oh that’s right.
Emily: [00:10:37] Yeah. So my husband went to culinary school and food is like his joy. So it’s awesome. So we’re snobs who go food shopping everyday for dinner that night.
Lindsey: [00:10:52] I love that.
Emily: [00:10:52] I know it’s great. Very European. Yeah yeah yeah. He goes to the store everyday on the way back from the gym which is like really dumb but it works for us because he loves it.
Lindsey: [00:11:05] Oh that’s good.
Emily: [00:11:06] Yeah but what I really realized is like we don’t have food in the house because we shop for the meal of the day. So I go to like Trader Joe’s on a Saturday or Sunday and I like to get vegetables to snack on. And like random salads if I know I’m going to be out and about. But food has never been an issue for us, which I’m feel really lucky about.
Lindsey: [00:11:31] Do you feel like you’re eating way more now or your diet changed at all being postpartum now.
Emily: [00:11:39] When I was fresh postpartum I was eating a ton and my sister in law has a 3 year old and she–her second was born three weeks before Stoss but she was like “Oh my god keep peanut butter and jellys in the fridge because you’re just gonna be starving in the middle of the night and you’re going to need something to eat”. I was like “That is a great idea”. So I went a little hard on the peanut butter and jelly. And I I had four sandwiches a day on top of all the other meals. Yeah I was eating a ton and I ate like lots of carbs in the very beginning. That’s pretty much all I wanted to eat like rice, oatmeal, bread. I ate a ton of bread. And eating still like ribeyes all the time they’re my favorite. I got bloodwork done interestingly enough.
Lindsey: [00:12:36] Oh recently.
Emily: [00:12:37] Yes. When I was seven weeks postpartum maybe maybe a little further along than that maybe closer to 10. But anyway my doctor was like “You’re heavily inflamed”. I was like “Oh really”.
Lindsey: [00:12:51] “I’m still recovering”.
Emily: [00:12:54] And I was having like a glass of wine at night because I was like I can have wine again you know within reason. Yeah mean not seven nights a week. But a lot. And she’s like “You have so much inflammation”. Like “what are you eating?”. I was like “Bread rice grains, grains, grains, grains, grains”.
Lindsey: [00:13:10] Everything.
Emily: [00:13:11] She’s like “You gotta dial it back”. I was like “Really but I’m still like breastfeeding”. She’s like “There are other things besides bread” and so I’ve actually felt a ton better. Ever since I did that and I’m like okay I can have like wine two nights a week. Yeah I don’t need to do it like four to five nights a week.
Lindsey: [00:13:32] So what did you switch out or did you…
Emily: [00:13:35] So I told Michael I was like “Hey I can’t be buying anymore loaves of bread. This is not a snack that I can be doing anymore”. So we’ve been eating a lot more rice, more potatoes, we have like buckwheat porridge which is so good, and nuts. I mean I’m just like eating, I wouldn’t say I’m eating that much more than my normal diet, but I’m eating more carbs.
Lindsey: [00:14:02] Yeah interesting.
Emily: [00:14:03] Yeah. Rice is great. Yeah that makes a huge difference.
Lindsey: [00:14:07] I love rice. I’ll get it from the farmers and it’s white rice.
Emily: [00:14:13] And it’s funny because Michael like doesn’t eat a lot. He’s done Keto he’s done like everything in the books and he was very strict Keto for a while and now he’s read this book called Blue Zones. I don’t know if you’ve read it.
Lindsey: [00:14:27] I haven’t read it.
Emily: [00:14:28] It’s about centenarians around the world people who live over 100 and their diets. What their diet and lifestyle are like. And so he’s been reading about that like you know what are these people who lived that long eat and it is like they eat normal sized portions, not American size portions like they eat a normal amount. Like whatever. Right. And so he makes the meals. And I finish it in like five seconds and I go “Is there any more?”. He’s like “I keep forgetting that you’re breastfeeding and I have to make you more food than me” I’m like “Yeah”. So I’ll have another meal after dinner a lot of like oatmeal or something. But yeah.
Lindsey: [00:15:01] You’re like “Yeah come on bro”.
Emily: [00:15:06] “More food”. And outside of that the routine has been it’s been really interesting because I-so I stayed at home for 40 days. Which was great. You all heard about that and–at least I think I talked about it on the last one so I stayed home for 40 days basically to make no social arrangements. Not engage with the outside world. Bond, heal, sleep, rest, chill basically. It was great. I highly recommend it.
Lindsey: [00:15:35] Did you ever get antsy? I was extremely antsy for the first 10 days. I was like “What do I do with myself?”. I was freaking out because I still getting all the slack notifications from work and I’m like “I’m like good I can help out”. You know knowing that I’m like but there’s a newborn asleep on me so I have to stay here almost like it was trippy. The first ten days.
Lindsey: [00:15:56] It’s almost like ‘cut that off’.
Emily: [00:15:57] Yeah. The first 10 days felt longer than the second 30 days. Yeah. It was very weird but… So I had no routines staying home. I was just like I literally wore a sports bra and boxer shorts for 40 days straight. I did not put on clothes. It was awesome. But coming back into work now I’m like “OK I just know what everyday looks like”. I just have to have like “This is what Monday, this is Tuesday, Wednesday”. So that no day is a surprise.
Lindsey: [00:16:33] That’s Interesting.
Emily: [00:16:34] Yeah cause if I can stay on a routine, he can–the baby can kinda stay on routine. Okay. Ok. Yeah.
Lindsey: [00:16:44] How’s Stoss doing? He’s just asleep in the bedroom right now.
Emily: [00:16:47] Yeah he’s good. He is like the best little thing in the whole world. Yeah.
Lindsey: [00:16:52] Any like hiccups along the way besides the napping that you forgot about?Any full meltdowns?
Emily: [00:17:02] No he is like a really chill baby.
Lindsey: [00:17:04] Really? Not even on Michael?
Emily: [00:17:07] Although he has flipped out at Michael. I’ve been away Michael’s like “He just went apoplectic on me like screaming like he just got a shot”.
Emily: [00:17:15] I was like “Oh God I’m sorry, that’s never happened to me. Yeah, so he got vaccinated and we actually found a great doctor who has single dose vaccines. Which was pretty rad, but he screamed bloody murder and I was like I never want to do that again.But very easily consolable. Well that’s the that’s the really good thing about him like he’ll stop crying in a minute. It doesn’t go on and on and on. And you know we avoided colic like it’s been really awesome.
Lindsey: [00:17:53] And he gets adjusted?
Emily: [00:17:54] He gets adjusted once a month. I should probably schedule that soon for ten days from now. Yeah. And he’s like off the charts tall which is no surprise. He’s a string bean. Yeah he’s amazing. He’s really happy he’s starting to like coo and giggle.
Lindsey: [00:18:15] Talk to himself?
Emily: [00:18:16] Talk to himself a lot. It’s hilarious. Yeah he’s awesome.
Lindsey: [00:18:21] How was it because you came back and you started teaching a postpartum class or you took one.
Emily: [00:18:27] I took it.
Lindsey: [00:18:28] How was it being on the other side?
Emily: [00:18:30] Oh you know teaching. So I’ve taught the BIRTHFIT Postpartum Series for like 4 years now. I think it will be five years in February.
Lindsey: [00:18:39] Wild.
Emily: [00:18:40] Which is wild. And it was… so I took it I had a BIRTHFIT coach teach it, Carolina, and she did a great job and I was just like “Woah this is awesome”. Like I just felt like I had just really on such a different level obviously. And for me I was like “Oh my god. In the past I’ve let women join this class at four weeks postpartum” like that’s way too early. Oh my god. Like no way. And so it really just helped me like empathize with women more and understand where they’re at and go even slower than I used to. Teaching the class. I mean I’m teaching it now. So taking it was really cool to just be a part of it and not teach and I really was like “Oh yeah I get like you’re late and you have to breastfeed during class”. You just have to. And now that I’m teaching the class I’m like “Guys I made it here at 9:59 I think that is pretty good for having a baby class start at 10. Made it out the house”. And yeah teaching it now has been like so so nice really just about the connection with the women has been so much better because I can like really relate on a different level which is awesome.
Lindsey: [00:20:08] What day has been your favorite of the postpartum series? Because we both know every postpartum series around the country goes through the same curriculum. So when we see pictures of women supporting each other through the pull ups or the farmers carries we know what day they’re on.
Emily: [00:20:29] Yeah. So my favorite day is. I have two. One Is the first one because we go around the circle. We share one word or a sentence about your birth and we’ve done that like since the beginning. I’ve done that in every class and then it just opens it up for all the women and they can like share without holding back. And so that’s why first day is my favorite.
Lindsey: [00:21:02] What word did you use?
Emily: [00:21:04] Intense. And then I don’t think I said it was super fucking gnarly but I was like “It was intense” and it was awesome. Yeah and in my class we would have a breast cancer survivor. You know a c section. Everybody is in the same class and it’s nice because we all have different stories. My other favorite day is the day that we do sled pushes. Oh yeah. It used to be burpees but now it’s–.
Lindsey: [00:21:40] it might be burpees in some locations because of equipment, but we get the sled pushes.
Emily: [00:21:44] Yeah yeah yeah that’s right. But yeah for sure the sled push day because while they’re in it it’s like a long 15 minutes and at the end I’m like “Did you think you were going to be able to do that on the first day?”. They’re all like No way and I’m like “Yeah, we’re three and a half weeks in”. Like it just takes starting and moving to really like remember what you can do.
Lindsey: [00:22:09] Totally and to see what you’re capable of.
Emily: [00:22:12] Yeah exactly.
Lindsey: [00:22:13] That’s a good day.
Emily: [00:22:15] Yeah and it’s fun. It’s a fun workout. Everyone likes a sled push. It looks kind of intimidating and then they hold they do it and they’re like “Oh yeah this is good”. Yeah I think that’s coming on Thursday actually.
Lindsey: [00:22:29] What did you think when the series wrapped? Did you want more? Or were you like “Okay that was good” it was complete?
Emily: [00:22:38] You know what I always want it to be longer, but I always feel like it’s long enough. Yeah you know it’s kind of both feelings. But I had a really–we had a big class in September I think we had like 10 people. It was huge. And everyone brought their babies and I had two doulas come who didn’t bring babies, but everybody else. So there’s like eight babies every class. So it was a hot mess of chaos every class. And Carolina was so funny because she was coaching. In the spring also she’s like assisting me and there were maybe two babies every class and she’s like “There are a lot of babies”. I’m like “I’m so glad this is your first experience, because sometimes it’s just a madhouse”.
Lindsey: [00:23:25] It’s beautiful chaos.
Emily: [00:23:26] Yeah. So it was honestly I was glad that that was over only because I knew that there were going to be a fewer babies in the next class and it would just be a different feeling. But it was awesome. It was so fun. Now this class there’s like 5 people and maybe three babies come. It’s pretty chill. Yeah it’s really nice, I know.
Lindsey: [00:23:47] Are you glad to be teaching it again?
Emily: [00:23:48] Yeah. I love teaching and I love like having been there from the very beginning like all of the stuff we’ve learned just about breathing and healing has made a huge difference and now teaching it again and being postpartum you have a like deeper understanding of how you feel because like I didn’t feel like shit, but I felt very weak. And I was like I didn’t want to start doing anything until I was honestly ten weeks postpartum. So now I’m like “OK slow really slow”. And it’s really nice. Like every class is super chill. It’s pretty awesome.
Lindsey: [00:24:34] How’s the reaction from other coaches at the gym with you back?
Emily: [00:24:40] I feel really excited. No it’s–I’m more nervous about like being a disruption having a baby, you know. And they you know they don’t care at all. They’re like stoked that he’s there and I’m there. And I think just having a female coach back in the mix is really really good. That’s my personal opinion that we need more women. But yeah it’s really good.
Lindsey: [00:25:14] Antonia likes to describe it as “Oh Embo just has a backpack now”.
Emily: [00:25:18] I got a front pack. Yeah now he just comes everywhere with me. But it’s nice on the days that Michael watches him when I can be there myself and just do stuff around the gym and not have a–
Lindsey: [00:25:33] Fully present?
Emily: [00:25:34] Yeah, fully present yeah it’s weird having him with me. No it’s better now that it’s the third week when I’m like “OK I have to do these things around the gym and I have to change your diaper and feed you and try to get you to nap all at the same time. Okay let’s see how this goes”.
Lindsey: [00:25:50] Yeah I like you got a to do list going this way and a to do list going that way and you’re like “We got to integrate the two”.
Emily: [00:25:57] I thought I was a fast eater when I worked at Lulu Lemon and only got 30 minute lunch breaks, no. Now I’m inhaling my food.
Lindsey: [00:26:04] Oh don’t tell Mel that. “Take 10 breaths”.
Emily: [00:26:10] Oh yeah totally. But yeah I think everyone’s happy to have me back. I’m glad to be coaching classes again. It’s fun but it also like the first two days felt like I just went back in time. There was a trippiest feeling ever.
Lindsey: [00:26:29] I bet.
Emily: [00:26:29] Oh my god it was so weird.
Lindsey: [00:26:30] So what kind of plans do you have coming up for–I know there’s a birthing coach similar chilling at the gym. Yeah any other big plans?
Emily: [00:26:42] Not really, except that I just told you that I’m starting a coaching school which is pretty cool. That’s like the one big thing that’s coming up and that is really to enhance your coaching practice. Like basically like a life coach. Which is something that I want to do and I don’t like that term, but I don’t think there’s any better or a more descriptive term for that. And working with parents basically. So this school teaches you how to basically start a business which I don’t know anything about. So that will be really helpful.
Lindsey: [00:27:20] In that category?
Emily: [00:27:21] In that category. Like in a coaching setting. So I’m sure it’ll be like very developmental personally, but it’ll also be like helping you learn how to start a business. Which will help all around with everything that I do. Yeah so that’s a big plan.
Lindsey: [00:27:41] And that’s what six months?
Emily: [00:27:43] Yeah starting in January and then yeah teaching the BirthFit coach seminar in November and not be my first time traveling with Stoss.
Lindsey: [00:27:49] I was just gonna ask.
Emily: [00:27:50] Yeah which I have anxiety about but.
Lindsey: [00:27:55] Wait when is that? November?
Emily: [00:27:56] It’s in a month-ish just under a month. Yeah. Michael is not coming with me. It was just totally fine because I’ll be good once I get there because we’re staying with Abby at her parent’s house and they have like Cribs and car seats and everything you could possibly need. But the whole getting to Atlanta is where I’m freaking out but–
Lindsey: [00:28:19] The whole airplane travel deal?
Emily: [00:28:21] The whole airplane travel deal. Yeah so that’ll be interesting but I feel like you just got to rip the band aid and do it I think.
Lindsey: [00:28:28] This is his first flight?
Emily: [00:28:29] Yeah. So weird.
Lindsey: [00:28:32] I know.
Emily: [00:28:33] And we do cloth diapers and I’m like I don’t even know what to do but I think I’m just going to do disposables whatever.
Lindsey: [00:28:39] Yeah. Well yeah that’s things you don’t think of.
Emily: [00:28:43] I know. You’re not going to like travel with like poo in your bag.
Lindsey: [00:28:49] So looking back on this motherhood transition window glaring in what comes up? Like any motions any shifts in thoughts like that from preconception and now you like. I totally went this way or would not ever say that again or you know a thing like that?
Emily: [00:29:19] You know I think like the hardest thing for me was really like those first 10 days postpartum like the mental switch because I went from doing my thing, super pregnant, but I’m like I didn’t have a baby to take care of on the outside you know. And you know I go to the gym I work out and that day I go into labor stoked I’m like get the baby out. Great. And then the next day you’re still in your old person mode mentally because that’s all you know. But now all of a sudden you have a baby you have to take care of. And I was like “Oh my god woah. This just changed literally overnight. And I now have to handle that”.
Lindsey: [00:30:15] And it changed everything.
Emily: [00:30:16] Everything. And so I think just like I’m so glad I did those 40 days at home because it allowed me to just not pretend that my life hadn’t changed.
Lindsey: [00:30:29] Yeah, this is so good.
Emily: [00:30:30] Yeah and I think another women don’t not that women pretend our life hasn’t changed but they just I think a lot of women you know once they are feeling up for it just go out. Go out and see their friends go do their thing go back to whatever and that’s great if that’s what makes you feel like back and back to yourself. But for me I was glad that I didn’t do that because I do so much socially that I was like I think I need to just reset.
Lindsey: [00:30:58] Totally. I think the postpartum is such a brilliant opportunity to reset. Yeah. You touched on it so well when you said like it changed overnight. And yeah I started I was still my old ways of thinking and who I was and.
Emily: [00:31:19] I wanted to check my email a minute later.
Lindsey: [00:31:22] You can’t.
Emily: [00:31:23] It was so weird and I’m like “Oh whoa whoa oh”.
Lindsey: [00:31:27] Pump your brakes.
Emily: [00:31:28] Yeah. So for anyone out there who’s pregnant right now. Make sure your partner if you have a partner or your postpartum dula or your mom or whoever is taking care of you can cook at least breakfast and then buy you lunch, because that was a game changer. I just needed to be like taken care of. And I didn’t really realize how much I needed to be taken care of and thank God that I was because that allowed me to like slow down big time because I wasn’t worried about what do we do for meals. And that was literally all I needed because I wasn’t doing anything else. I was like I just need food. And I just need to like chill. And having someone take care of me like Michael was amazing. Helped me kind of process the mental shift that was happening.
Lindsey: [00:32:26] Yeah. It Is a huge mental shift.
Emily: [00:32:28] Yeah. And now like now everything’s great. And like I’m back at work and hanging out with friends like. But you have no idea what you’re getting into in the very beginning you don’t know what your baby’s going to be like.
Lindsey: [00:32:41] It’s the mystery of the unknown and then it’s happened now for you the 40 days is like you’re not there yet but you’re not here anymore. Here let’s figure this out. Let’s hang out in this space a minute.
Emily: [00:33:00] Yeah. And what. You know my mom always comes “Oh my god Stoss just stares at you”. And all babies stare at their moms of course, but I think those 40 days allowed us to create like such an awesome bond. And everywhere I go with him I can put him down on the ground. You know for the gym I’m like “Okay bye. I’m gonna go over there now”. And he just knows that I’m there, which is really cool. I can see that like he feels safe. And you know we took a RIE class before baby–RIE before baby class and that’s one of their biggest things is like you create independence by creating like a sense of safety. So you make sure that your space at home feel safe, they feel safe, they don’t feel like abandoned even if going into another room a baby might have a panic attack. So you know talking to your baby and saying even though it sounds ridiculous because you’re like “I’m going to go take a shower now. OK bye”. And they’re just like looking at you but just creating that sense of reassurance and safety I think has really helped both of us.
Lindsey: [00:34:10] Yeah it’s a two way street.
Emily: [00:34:12] It’s a two way street. So I know like he feels safe, I feel good. Which has been really awesome.
Lindsey: [00:34:20] 100% Yeah I love that.
Emily: [00:34:21] It’s really cool.
Lindsey: [00:34:26] That’s in RIE? Basically Were you one of those things is where you communicate and talk to the baby. You tell them everything you’re doing.
Emily: [00:34:31] Yeah. If you take that class it’s amazing. And if you’re a RIE person.
Lindsey: [00:34:37] There’s a few of them in there.
Emily: [00:34:39] Yeah I take that class with a grain of salt. Very intense on a few things but the underlying philosophy is awesome.
Lindsey: [00:34:48] Yeah it’s beautiful.
Emily: [00:34:50] Creating independent babies. So yeah you’re like “Okay I’m going to take your diaper off now” and when you practice on it like stuffed animals that they give you, you feel like such an idiot. You’re like “I’m not going to talk to me baby and tell them that I’m taking all their diaper. That’s so weird”. And then you have the baby you’re like “I’m gonna take off your diaper okay come on”.
Lindsey: [00:35:10] And your voice changes and everything.
Emily: [00:35:14] Yeah but you know they respond which is really cool. It’s funny we like experiment with certain things so I’ll tell him okay I’m going to wipe now because the wipes we have are cold. And when I tell him that he like doesn’t startle. And then when I don’t say anything he’s like *gasp* like totally is startled or I’m like “OK”. He wasn’t ready for it. I just did it out of nowhere. It’s kind of it’s kind of cool.
Lindsey: [00:35:41] So interesting.
Emily: [00:35:43] Yeah. But definitely that like transition time was weird but really created like a really good sense of bonding for us.
Lindsey: [00:35:57] Bonding resetting. It’s so neat and our society doesn’t promote that.
Emily: [00:36:03] No it’s ok. Yeah. Something else that came up was like everyone who wants to have like we’re all here because someone had a baby, right? So like everyone has had a baby basically and that’s like a general statement not true, but–
Lindsey: [00:36:20] Birth affects everybody.
Emily: [00:36:21] Birth affects everybody. Exactly. So you have this baby and you’re like you are another baby in the world. And that’s what we do as humans we procreate. You know one of the things we do. One of the main things we do. And also you’re this incredible little miracle and I don’t know how you’re here. You know so it’s like you’re really common. You’re another baby and you’re also this insanely special little being. Yeah. So you have to like nurture both. You have to just know that babies are not as fragile we think they’re and I can like leave you on the ground and you’re going to be fine. And I don’t to put sunscreen on you every day and you’re gonna be fine. I just need to feed you and make sure you sleep most of the day. And then also you have to nurture this like a little soul who’s this crazy special thing and you don’t want to share it with anybody. Right. That’s when the really weird part I’m like I want to be the all to myself Michael’s like “Emily we’re having dinner can you look at me and not the baby?”. You’re like “But I need to just like with him all day long”. But then I’m like no your baby you’re fine. You’re fine over there. Yeah it’s really wild.
Lindsey: [00:37:40] How have yours and Michael’s relationship been enhanced or challenged?
Emily: [00:37:45] And it’s been great. I think it’s so funny. I remember when we didn’t have a baby we weren’t even pregnant. And Michael said something like I’m kind of worried like we we don’t fight. And I was like you’re worried about that. He’s like “Well yeah we like never fight”. And I go “Well we haven’t had kids yet. Don’t worry. We’ll fight, I promise. Don’t worry.”.
Lindsey: [00:38:13] Sit tight buddy.
Emily: [00:38:15] So not that we’ve had a fight. It’s like we don’t fight but like certain things come up for example like the phone. That’s a big one for him. He hates when I’m on my phone which I get, I’m on my phone a lot, but I really try to work on it. A big one is like phone around the baby like we tried to do no phones and that’s just a conversation that comes up where we just don’t get upset with each other but it comes up. It’s like “Hey” I know we are on our phones constantly. We both work online. But is this the example we want to set for him. I’m like “No. Of course I don’t want to set that example”. You know we have this conversation and so it’s good because when you parent. You’re not going to agree on certain things. Yeah. And it’s respecting each other enough to like see it the other person’s way.
Lindsey: [00:39:06] Totally and y’all are so good at. I mean y’all have both taking courses and practice like clarity and communication. So I think when something does come up y’all are really efficient at addressing it. And saying “Hey this is bothering me or this is what’s come up”. You know and–
Emily: [00:39:27] And if something comes up that bothers me I’m bad at confrontation. Like I don’t like to bring stuff up but I know that I can because he’s not going to like freak out on me. You know we don’t have that kind of relationship.
Lindsey: [00:39:41] It sounds like he’s built trust and your trust. Like “OK. I feel safe bringing something up”.
Emily: [00:39:48] Totally. And I just had him take the love languages quiz that we took.
Lindsey: [00:39:50] You did? What’s his love language?
Emily: [00:39:55] Quality time.
Lindsey: [00:39:57] Oh that’s mine too.
Emily: [00:39:57] And then I forget what the second one was. My second one is quality time.
Lindsey: [00:40:03] What’s your first?
Emily: [00:40:03] Physical touch. Physical touch is his last one.
Lindsey: [00:40:06] Really?
Emily: [00:40:07] And receiving gifts. Oh no. Okay so, acts of service is his number two and I always thought that would be his number one because he cooks for everybody and he does stuff for people.
Lindsey: [00:40:18] He gives.
Emily: [00:40:19] He gives and receiving gifts is my last one. So it’s really funny because.
Lindsey: [00:40:25] He’s like trying to give you food.
Emily: [00:40:27] Yeah. But I know that that is his love language. So I know that.
Lindsey: [00:40:34] To thank him.
Emily: [00:40:34] Yeah. And then yeah so I just had to take it the other day. It was really interesting we had a good conversation about that. He’s like “It’s interesting that like your first my last and your last is my first”. I’m like “Yeah I know. We’re like total opposites”. Total opposites but we have that respect in our relationship where we know that. Yeah. And we don’t make anything mean anything. Like–
Lindsey: [00:41:03] More than it has to be.
Emily: [00:41:04] More than it has to be yeah. So our relationship has gotten stronger.
Lindsey: [00:41:11] I love that. It’s definitely sounds like you’ve put into practice what you learned. Both of you. The love language quiz is awesome. Everyone should take it. Yeah I think mine is quality time and physical touch.
Emily: [00:41:24] Same physical touch and then quality time. And he’s like “Yeah quality time is my number one so now you know why I get so upset about the phone” I’m like “I know”.
Lindsey: [00:41:35] That’s totally me, yeah.
Emily: [00:41:36] Yeah I really do work on it hard but I work on it. But yeah, I think you know what I want to do is like Coach parents through conception pregnancy and immediate postpartum like first year of life basically, in that, like how can you have a relationship where you don’t want to kill them because they piss you off.
Lindsey: [00:42:04] Right or where it goes from. OK. We’re all lovey dovey and we got pregnant. And then all of a sudden we don’t talk anymore. And there’s assumptions made and we don’t have sex, even though she’s been cleared to have sex. And I don’t know what to do. Woman’s like it’s painful I’m not having sex. Yeah there’s so many assumptions and not clear communication in this area.
Emily: [00:42:31] Yeah. You know we’re not perfect like we have our stuff, but we don’t ever like let that affect our relationship. And if it does it’s my shit because I’m not talking about it. So.
Lindsey: [00:42:46] You mean like it’s your responsiblity?
Emily: [00:42:47] Like I’m upset about something and I’m not bringing it up. Right like that’s I got to work on something. Cause that’s happened you know something’s bothering me so much and I’m like “I know he’s not trying to piss me off but oh my god what the heck”. And then I know that I’m not going to bring it up because he’s going to be like “Are you serious”. So I got to work on something so just like being able to shed light on that for other people because I’ve heard so many women say like “Oh my God I hated my husband after the baby was born because he didn’t do anything” and I don’t want to be like “Did you ask”.
Lindsey: [00:43:24] Right. Did you ask? Did you talk to him about it?
Emily: [00:43:26] Did you set it up beforehand? You know in the beginning I told Michael to sleep through the baby crying basically from night two on. He’s like “Are you sure. I feel so bad.” Because he can sleep like a log. I was like you need to sleep. I need breakfast lunch and dinner and coffee tomorrow. So you have to do that for me”. He’s like “Oh that’s easy. OK. Great”. I was like “Just sleep so you’re awake and ready to do stuff in the morning”. Yeah. And literally that’s how it’s been since day two.
Lindsey: [00:43:57] It’s figuring out what you need as a human and then being able to communicate that. Yeah that’s way harder than it sounds.
Emily: [00:44:06] Oh my gosh yeah. It’s really hard but setting talking about all this stuff in pregnancy made asking for help a lot easier because it wasn’t like “All of a sudden she’s asking me to make her coffee”. So it’s been good.
Lindsey: [00:44:25] It’s cool.
Emily: [00:44:26] Yeah I still want to GoFundme though. So if anybody I’m just kidding. I was really being like OK I was thinking about the GoFundme. And I love what I do. I love to work. I love to coach. I cannot be someone who never worked but we got to start a foundation for stay at home moms. So that people give money to the foundation and then women can apply and then they get like 10 grand.
Lindsey: [00:44:53] That’d be awesome.
Emily: [00:44:54] How awesome would that be.
Lindsey: [00:44:56] It’d be awesome if our country did a little bit more.
Emily: [00:44:58] I know we can’t rely them we gotta do it ourselves.
Lindsey: [00:45:02] There is somewhere that has a year paternity.
Emily: [00:45:08] Oh you know what? Netflix gives a year paternity leave. Isn’t that insane?
Lindsey: [00:45:14] Yeah.
Emily: [00:45:15] Yeah. I don’t know what country does that. But remember off the top you want paternity leave. Go work at Netflix. Yeah. And luckily for Michael like having him work at home has been such a blessing because even though he’s on a call or working, like if I need anything he’s right there. That’s cool. So if he had to go back to work and I was home alone like I don’t know what I would do so all you women out there. Geez Louise.
Lindsey: [00:45:42] Because sometimes they go back to work two weeks or two days.
Emily: [00:45:46] And he started working a week after Stoss was born. And that didn’t upset me because he was home. And I was like totally fine because I knew he was right there if I needed him. He was fine. He’s like “I really like I can only take a week off”. I was like “Whatever your home”. Yeah it was fine.
Lindsey: [00:46:05] You’re making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You’re good.
Emily: [00:46:07] Exactly. Exactly. But being home alone like that would that would have been really hard.
Lindsey: [00:46:15] Well is there one piece of advice or one tip you want to give women as they specifically let’s say women as they’re going back into the workforce.
Emily: [00:46:27] Yeah. Honestly this is going to sound really weird not weird somewhat judgmental and in a way. If I had a job where I could not bring my kid to work I legitimately would get another job. And I know that most women cannot do that. But I feel like we need to start changing the workplace and allowing kids there. Why is that weird?
Lindsey: [00:46:56] Yeah at least for the first year postpartum like breastfeeding.
[00:47:01] Especially if you have in your own office, That should be like no big deal. We used to go to my mom’s work all the time. Yeah but we weren’t babies we would just like hang out in her office or she had like a little kitchen in her building whatever. But I really think like we need to be that change and have it make it okay for kids to come to work. And I get it there’s a time and a place for kids everywhere. But I don’t know why that’s such a like looked down upon thing. Yeah maybe I haven’t worked in the corporate world for long enough. I had a few jobs in an office, but I would be guns a blazin’ in that place if I was going back to work with a kid I’d be like “Oh you want me to work here and my kids coming with you if you don’t want that then I don’t work anymore”. I would just figure it out. I don’t know if people are willing to take a risk like that but… OK that’s bad advice. It’s bad advice. My advice going back into the workforce. Number one: Get family to help out. If you don’t have family like community like my sister in law found a really great day care that’s just at someone’s house. And it’s like you know they have like little babies in one room and like the toddlers in another room. So a community of parents. And then take as much time off as you can.
Lindsey: [00:48:37] Yeah everybody says that after the fact. So for those of you that haven’t had a baby and you’re listening, listen to them.
Emily: [00:48:47] Oh yeah.
Lindsey: [00:48:48] Listen to Embo.
Emily: [00:48:49] And for me three months was on one hand enough time. Because now I feel good going back to work. On and on the other hand like I got a taste of the stay at home mom life and I liked it so I would do it for longer if I could.
Lindsey: [00:49:04] Six months would be cool or four months. Something longer.
Emily: [00:49:11] Yeah. And really ask for help. It’s cool. I think that’s probably the biggest thing like I ask people to do stuff for me at the gym all day long now.
Lindsey: [00:49:20] That’s awesome.
Emily: [00:49:21] And I don’t feel bad at all.
Lindsey: [00:49:27] Good, good oh my god.
Emily: [00:49:27] I feel really good about asking people for help now because I’m like “OK if they say no they say no, but at least I asked”. Yeah whatever.
Lindsey: [00:49:34] So true. You can’t be afraid of somebody gonna say no when you ask them to do something because it’s a 50/50 shot. Like no is as common as yes.
Emily: [00:49:45] Exactly. So.
Lindsey: [00:49:48] So that’s kind of your whole story now up to now. We want to let you all know that next year so 2019 Embo’s going to be taking over the podcast some. Embo and Lindsay Mumma in North Carolina.
Emily: [00:50:10] And you.
Lindsey: [00:50:11] And me still.
Emily: [00:50:12] You’re not leaving the podcast.
Lindsey: [00:50:13] Not leaving, but we’re going to have more host, more perspective, more lens.
Emily: [00:50:21] I’m back.
Lindsey: [00:50:23] “I’m back”. Yeah she’s back. So yeah, If you haven’t listened to the very beginning episodes Embo was on some of those. Yeah what kind of stuff do you want to bring to the podcast next year?
Emily: [00:50:36] I’m super excited number one and you know kind of back to how we started. Is what I want to bring it back to. Just like for a little bit like local.
Lindsey: [00:50:48] More live stuff?
Emily: [00:50:49] Yeah.
Lindsey: [00:50:50] I think machete would be into that.
Emily: [00:50:51] Yeah L.A. people and I know the podcast isn’t just for L.A. people but it’s nice to get a taste of different communities that you’re listening to because the people who I would have on obviously would relate to our entire audience. It would be I want to just share birth it around L.A. more or around Southern California you know.
Lindsey: [00:51:11] But get their story.
Emily: [00:51:12] Get their stories already made a list of like 10 people yesterday. Yeah. But I want to–you know people that I’ve worked with and hear more about the show like my midwives or you know my my doctor Dawn. Or you know people who’ve been in my post-partum series and.
Lindsey: [00:51:38] Ooo breast cancer survivors.
Emily: [00:51:39] Exactly. I was thinking that too. You know in one of my postpartum series there was a nurse postpartum nurse at Cedars and now she’s a member, Joe. So just getting into the L.A. birth world is what I want to do. Yeah it relates to everybody.
Lindsey: [00:51:57] Totally.
Emily: [00:52:00] Yeah I’m super pumped. Oh and we want to do a dad panel finally. Remember we talked about that a long time ago.
Lindsey: [00:52:06] Well we’re going to have one at summit. A partner panel.
Emily: [00:52:09] Awesome.
Lindsey: [00:52:10] But yeah if you could get some dads out in L.A.
Emily: [00:52:15] That’d be so cool. Like dads of different ages with kids.
Lindsey: [00:52:18] Yes totally. I loved having Juan on because he was such a young dad, but then also like dads of you know “Oh we’re in our mid 40s or 50s” you know oops.
Emily: [00:52:33] I think it’s more common now in L.A. Someone said that a lot of L.A. preschools most parents are in their 40s. Juan’s the odd man out there.
Lindsey: [00:52:41] It’s awesome.
Emily: [00:52:41] I know. So yeah I’m really excited about the podcast and like reaching out to more people in our community.
Lindsey: [00:52:50] Yeah I’m stoked about it too. So if you’re listening and you’re in Los Angeles.
Emily: [00:52:55] And you want to be on. Tell me good reason why.
Lindsey: [00:52:58] Reach out to Embo or if you have questions about BirthFit in Los Angeles area just hit Embo up.
Emily: [00:53:05] Yeah there’s 10 million people here at least, so…
Lindsey: [00:53:10] Thanks for hanging out.
Emily: [00:53:12] Thanks for having me. Oh and the baby’s crying.
Lindsey: [00:53:14] Really?
Emily: [00:53:15] Perfect timing.
Lindsey: [00:53:17] All right, Stoss time. Thanks for sharing your story.
Emily: [00:53:22] Thanks, I’m so happy I got to.
Lindsey: [00:53:24] Yeah, alright that’s it.
Emily: [00:53:26] Thank you.