The Simplest Way to Bring More Love In
The Art of Receiving
“OMG, Your butt looks so good!”
“Ohhh, shut up! I’ve been on a total binge lately!”
“Wow! I love your hair!”
“Nah, thanks. I mean, I need to get it cut and I didn’t even have time to style it today.”
“Girl, you’re rocking that dress!”
“This old thing? Thanks, but I feel like such a _____”
Tell me these don’t sound familiar. If you have ever been on either side of this conversation, I’m sure you could come up with a million examples of deferred compliments yourself.
Receiving Positive Energy
How many times has someone complimented you this week? How many times did you own it? Or, did you pass it off as someone just being nice, and choose to negate what they said? A real problem in society today is that our receiving channels are completely turned off. We are programmed from a very young age that a compliment should be deflected, and it’s ‘polite’ to negate the positive energy that is coming our way.
WHYYY? In this piece the writer looks at several different studies performed and associates women’s need to deflect compliments as a way of best biological evolutionary practices. She says that women do not intend to be mean or negate compliments due to lack of self-esteem, but it creates less hostility and competition by disowning the compliment.
Rather than coming from a place of love and acceptance of someone else’s kudos for great fashion or appearance, it seems they’re looking at women’s instinct to feel threatened and react out of fear of ulterior motives or underlying sense of hierarchy in acceptance of compliments. Responding to any stimulus while feeling threatened turns us women into another being all together. When acting out of perceived threat, one might be willing to do anything to protect her evolutionary status. Accepting a compliment might come across as ‘conceited’ and make other women feel threatened, which is why some choose to downplay compliments. While this might be a viable explanation, I don’t buy it.
Breaking the Cycle of Rejecting Compliments
Maybe some consider it being modest. Maybe some women don’t want to come across as being conceited. My guess is most women have unknowingly modeled this behavior since generations before, and they’ve continued this behavior and passed this trait along without even being conscious of it. But one thing is for sure: it’s our generation’s turn to knock it off and turn this around!
The heart chakra, the 4th chakra, is a powerhouse for accepting love. Open this chakra and watch the magic that happens when your receiving channels are dialed way up. When looking at the chakra system it’s really about whether or not your energy systems are open and flowing well, or closed off which causes blockages and gunky build up. If the 4th chakra is open, feelings like deep connectedness and gratitude with abundance might flow through you. If you’re experiencing things like jealousy, inadequacy, or codependency your heart chakra might need some work and clearing. If you want more information on this particular chakra (or any of the other energy systems) here is a great link!
Ways to Open Up and Receive
One of my favorite ways to exercise my receiving muscles is by this grounding gratitude exercise taught to me by my favorite Reiki Master Jessica Ryan. You can check out more of her work here. As you are sitting outside, lying in bed, or even standing in the shower, pick one thing to focus on: the breeze given off by the fan; the warmth of the water on your back; the rhythmic sound of the clock; the feeling of the firm supportive ground beneath each footstep. These things are here giving sensations to you, asking absolutely nothing in return. They simply are. As you sit there with your mind clear, focus on that breeze, and welcome it. Fill your heart with sensations of the warmth of the shower water. Allow yourself to be truly and utterly thankful for not only the physical sensation you’re experiencing, but also the emotional feelings it gives rise to. While embracing these sensations and gratefulness, KNOW and acknowledge that there is nothing you did to deserve it, and nothing that needs to be done in return. As a daily practice open your receiving channel and welcome the thought of being given something for nothing. Accept the gift the earth is giving you by supporting your body and rest in the feeling of acceptance without the glaring side of repayment.
So many times when people offer to do nice things for us, we turn them down. Or we automatically make a mental note of the favor we now owe them in return. It sure makes it difficult to accept help when the first thought you tell yourself is “I’ll never be able to repay them!” Make an effort every day to receive love, compliments, and help from someone else without the intention of feeling like you need to pay them back.
And for crying out loud, when someone compliments you, OWN IT. Graciously say thank you, and allow your inner light to shine just a little bit brighter because someone noticed a pair of shoes you just bought. You’ll likely start passing out more compliments and offering more unsolicited help yourself. When you allow your cup to be filled instead of deflecting all help and positivity, you’ve got spare room in your essence to fill the cups of others.
Cheers to Receiving,
Elise DeCamp, DC, CACCP, CCWPBIRTHFIT_PugetSound @birthfitpugetsound